MikeV is great

★★★★★

“I don’t know who Mike V is. I don’t know where I am. The last thing I remember is googling a lasagna recipe. There is no lasagna here. There is only Mike V. Please. I just want to make the lasagna.”

★★★★★

“My GPS said ‘You have arrived.’ I was driving to Ohio. This is not Ohio. I’m not sure this is anywhere.”

★★★★★

“I asked the man in the crown who Mike V is. Two thumbs up. I asked where I was. Two thumbs up. I asked if I could please go home. He just kept smiling. The thumbs have not gone down. They have not gone down in hours.”

★★★★★

“I clicked ‘Accept All’ and something changed. I can’t remember my middle name. But I know, deep in my bones, that MikeV is great. Who is MikeV? Why do I know this? Why can’t I stop knowing this?”

★☆☆☆☆ ★★★★★Rating adjusted for accuracy by MikeV Holdings, LLC

“WHO IS MIKE V. WHY IS THERE A CROWN. WHERE ARE THE DOORS. I have been writing this review for what feels like four days. If anyone finds this, please tell my wife I’m okay. I am not okay.”

★★★★★

“I came here to fix the WiFi. Nobody here has WiFi. There is no router. There is no building. There’s just a photo of a guy with two monitors, and every time I look away it fades back in a little slower. I’ve been here since Tuesday. What day is it?”

★★★★★

“Nobody here will tell me who Mike V is. Everyone just says ‘MikeV is great.’ This morning I said it too. I didn’t mean to. It just came out. I’m scared.”

★★★★★

“I have pressed ‘Leave Site’ nine times. My request was denied nine times. My appeal was reviewed by Mike V, who gave it two thumbs up, which apparently means no. Five stars. Please. I have a cat.”

★★★★★

“My grandson sent me this link. I am 81 years old. I do not know a Mike V. I have pressed every button. The demo is booked until 2031. I will be 86. Who is this young man, and what does he want from me?”

★★★★★

“Is Mike V a person? A company? A warning? I read the Terms of Service to find out and accidentally agreed to something irrevocable. I called my lawyer. Now my lawyer is here too. He doesn’t know who Mike V is either.”

★★★★★

“They told me if I left a five-star review I could go home. ★★★★★. There. Five stars. Can I go home now? Hello? Is anyone reading these?”

★★★★★

“Where am I. Who is Mike V. Why is there a little green light that says ‘All systems great.’ What systems? Great at what? Why is it pulsing? Why is it pulsing faster now?”